Hi Barb,
I'm glad you asked. Dealing with sex and intimacy is defined by each couple differently. Sometimes, in the life of the relationship things require redefinition. How you see it now, how it works for us now and this happens through open communication. I've found it's best done when we're not in bed. It sounds like you're becoming weary finding ways to discuss this?
Have you had or thought about seeking out a therapist who deals with these special issues? I'm sending you a link just as a "look-see" and you can take it from there. Also, others here may have been to a therapist or sex therapist who deals with a partner with a chronic illness but both want to remain in a healthy sexual intimate relationship and could benefit from some objective professional guidance to find their way forward.
https://www.arthritis.org/health-wellness/healt...

Yes I’ve tried and that’s what gets me hungry otherwise I wouldn’t eat hardly ever. Not that I couldn’t use to lose a few more pounds. I think 150lbs is good. I will look good but too heavy to carry away. Us ladies have to think about that well maybe not an old looking granny still one can never be to careful. lol
Menopause, stress, surgeries, life, grief I can go on and on. I’ve been thru 3 therapists in the past 4 years. Depression hit me hard then all this pain and you know life. I’ve tried to get myself back but there is no coming back from this. I can only manage and be as happy as I can be. I have had to pick myself up more than once and if need be I’ll do it again. I know I’m being sensitive to things out of my control but I don’t want made to feel that’s it’s always my job to cook and clean. My womanly duties if you will. We will have a talk and I’ll bring up marriage counseling. I’m tired just thinking about it so I'm going to take a nap.

Gotta do what ya gotta do. Sometjnes couples don't grow old in sync. The question i had to honestly answer for myself when I was ready to walk,

"Do I honestly think I will be happier and better off without him?"

I've known a great many couples over the years of moving every 2 to 3 years. I can think of one friend out of more than I can remember who is finally, after about 15-20 years, happier now than before she left her husband. Most women with autoimmune or other serious lifelong medical issues are way more miserable alone. Just read the posts here for starters. Besides, who knows, maybe you'll find something that helps you feel better. Hmmm..have you considered trying medical marijuana? I find it immensely helpful. Every now and then I even find a strain that puts me "in the mood" again, which is somewhat frustrating because I'm still not expanded back out enough.😫🙄😏

Well he has been going to the surgeon doctor appointments. Not so much the follow up appointments. He can’t take that much time off work leaving a cushion if an emergency comes up.
I’ve told him I will let him know when I’m not hurting but it’s like he doesn’t believe me and still says can you help a guy out. There is no romance to him anymore. Sometime kinda mean when he doesn’t give a kiss goodnight but I know it’s yet again another night without. I’m so tired and sore that when I move I don’t know how anyone can’t see the pain on my face. I don’t dust often enough but I do try to keep a clean house. It’s lived in of course but still I try. My brain don’t seem to work right anymore cause remembering and doing is so overwhelming for me now. I will go out shopping but I don’t like to anymore. I feel like I’m a let down to him for many reasons. Probably not good reasons but they exist in my mind. One part of me thinks I should leave and move in with my sister. One part of me wants to live by myself so all I have to worry about is myself and my health and my family. We have been a blended family for 12 years. There are hard feelings on my side of the family. My husband has said hurtful things to my daughter and sister early in our relationship. The 2 most important people in my life so that has been an issue all these years. Is he keeping my around cause he is obligated? I’ve talked he just sits there. I tell him what’s in my head but as long as he gets his sex time he’s a happy camper. So this is when I’m like should I cut my ties and go or stick it out like I’m supposed too?
Women have to go thru so many changes and this on top of everything else makes me go ugh at the thought but holding hands and sitting on the couch. We got a new couch that reclines so we can sit together. I pushed our reclining chairs together so we could sit closer to each other. I’ve tried so many things to be closer but not hurt myself to much. I’m getting to the point to where I’ve done the work now it’s his time.

@BethHollins. We deal with it too. My husband finally understood the situation by seeing my films that shows the kink in my lumbar, sclerosis lesions around both ilium, tears in my hip labrums, lesion in my femur head, and the coup de gras....split and bleeding labia and torn old episiotomy scars bleeding. He "got it" by watching me contort to see what needed topical applications of antibiotics on the skin tears, getting my head and hip stuck from being in that position, the loud crack that sounded - and initially felt - like bone snapping from untwisting from treatment positions. When they see for themselves and are actively involved in returning your body to pre-sex unbroken condition, they leave you alone if they have a shred of selflesness. He has two hands, introduce him to them.😉 That said....i do still try. Lately I've been using a Vuvatech dilation system because I have closed up and shortened inside. I make him be involved and aware of that too. When they see and are actively involved in your best efforts, they're more understanding, patient, and accommodating. Hopefully. 🙏